2013

Finally, I see light 

at the end of the academic tunnel, 

and its shining from...

my graduation tassel! 

I keep it hanging next to my bed, 
and when I get discouraged 
I just have to look at it 
to remember how far I've come. 


My first college class was at 

New Mexico State University 

in June of 1983. 

 

My last class will be at 

Vanguard University 

in May of 2013.  

From start to finish, 

my degree will have taken 

exactly thirty years to attain. 

Mamma always said, "Better late than never!"

Mona Lisa in Time

We were given a writing prompt in class today: directed to create a fictional story from a real headline. 

This was my headline prompt: Mona Lisa copy draws crowds at Spain’s Prado

And here is my story:

Her brown eyes gazed placidly out from the painting. “Look at them, standing, gawping,” she smirked to herself. “What am I to them but an oddity on the wall? They come and go, decade after decade, looking, always looking, but seeing nothing. The only thing that changes are the clothes they wear.” She heaved a motionless melancholy sigh.

One young man, perhaps twenty years old, edged his way through the crowd, bumping, stepping on toes, hastily apologizing. Slung casually over one shoulder, a shabby gray backpack marked his progress. He had to get closer. Squeezing between two tall Spanish women, he halted abruptly, confronted face-to-face with the famous Mona Lisa.

“I know you” he whispered reverently, peering intently into the painting’s eyes. They were eyes he knew by heart, eyes he’d looked at daily, several lifetimes ago. Eyes that haunted his dreams. Did they see him? Was she in there, somewhere?   

“Please,” he whispered, staring longingly at her beautiful face. He didn’t even know what he was begging for. He desperately wished for her to be alive, yet he was equally horrified of what that would mean for his beloved.  

Lizelle could not believe her eyes. Was it a trick of time?

In the beginning, she had believed that Raphael would save her, hope glowing brightly like a new born sun. How many hundreds of years had she waited? She’d lost count as time spun by, dimming her hope until the last spark was drowned in her despair.Yet now, unbelievably, he was here. Though he dressed in the contemporary fashion, his hair was the same golden mop of curls tangled about his head. And his eyes burned with the emerald green fire of his discovery: he had found her, at long last. 

She desperately tried to give him a sign that she was here, in the painting – trapped she knew not how. Screaming his name, she kicked and pounded the canvas, desperate to connect with reality.

Her brown eyes gazed placidly out from the painting.

The Wind Beneath My Wings

One day Rob and I were hanging out at my sister's house while the Air Conditioner guys did some work on her AC. Rob was on hand in the living room, and I was listening to my I-pod in a bedroom next to the front door. 

The workers tromped past my room repeatedly as they came and went, fiddling both inside and out with the AC. I left the door to my room open, in case they needed access to the roof through the closet. 

I intended to do some cleaning, but the combination of bed and music was obviously too much for me to resist, because the next thing I know, I waking up and realizing the bedroom door is shut.

Now, I know I'm a petite thing, and this may hard to believe, but I snore like a camp full o' lumberjacks. A den of hibernating bears. The proverbial buzz-saw. I rip it up, many nights driving Rob to seek refuge on the couch. 

So I had a pretty good idea of why that bedroom door was shut. How embarrassing, to be caught snoring by strangers! 

Sheepishly, I text'd Rob out in the living room. His reply not only confirmed my suspicion, it cemented my mortification for the rest of time:

Color Me Red

When I write, words pour out of my brain into a pool on the paper,
 where I can carefully consider which to use. 

Which is one reason why I prefer writing over speaking. 

Writing affords me the opportunity to pick-and-choose;   
to re-configure phrases that don't "come out right" the first time.

Not so with speech.
Once spoken, words cannot be erased. 

Like arrows, they fly into the air and, 
for good or bad, hit their mark. 
They cut, they soothe, they enlighten,  they... embarrass.

To my great misfortune, I often do not think before I speak. 

I say the first thing that comes to mind 
as if I were writing a rough draft... 
and frequently wish I had a delete key.

At least once a day, 
I'm looking at someone 
who's looking at me 
with their mouth hanging open in shock 
from whatever bone-headed thing I just said.  

Beet red, I'm left stammering, 
"That's....that's not what I meant!"

Case in point: one of our moving-days.

The moving company showed up a bit early. 
When the doorbell rang, I wasn't quite done packing; 
my suitcase full of clothes was sitting open on the bed.

Since Rob was gone, I was left to direct the burly gang of movers.

Determined not to be intimidated, I put on my best boss-face, 
consulted my list, and efficiently explained to the workers
the inventory of what goes, what stays, etc.

Then I remembered my suitcase, lying open on the bed.

And I looked at these four sweaty, 
very-rough looking men and said:
"When you're ready for the bed, 

let me know 
and I'll come take my clothes off."

Friday Night Pah-tay

I used to look like this the morning after a big Friday night party.

These days, this *is* my fun Friday night look... 

the party being five unbroken hours 

spent hunched over the keyboard 
tapping out a scholarly essay. 

Hey, they don't call me a party animal for nothin'!

"Cleaning Out The Pretty Things"

I've been crazy busy with school lately (= no time to blog), and rather than recycle an old post (*imagining my readers thinking to themselves* "This was tired the first time around, and she's bringing it up again?!"), instead, I am featuring my first-ever Guest Blogger! 

This young lady is a fellow student at Vanguard, who has a love for all things vintage. (Manual typewriters top the list!) When I first saw her in class last year, I was immediately struck by her sense of style.  She has a completely unique way of dressing that contemporises bygone eras, reinventing aspects of a 1920s flapper and a 1940s film star to create a look all her own.

Even more than her sense of style, though, I love her heart for God. 

So without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you to... Renee Goble!!

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Photo Copyright: Melissa Pilcher

I cleaned my closet today. By cleaned I mean I threw away a bunch of clothes. For once I actually went through my overloaded wardrobe and got rid of all the unnecessary. From that sheer floral shirt to the one that was a little too small. Funny thing is, I liked the un-necessaries. I liked the floral, the sheer, the small. It was pretty, it was fun, it was trendy- but it bordered on the edge of what I felt was immodest, something that shouldn't be messed with. Ever. 

That's when I came to a realization today. I realized that if I want to honor God- completely, I need to get rid of all the nonsense in my "closet." All of it. No matter how lovely it may be or how beautiful and secure it might make me feel- it will only distract me. Taunt me. Confuse me about who I am.

I am God's child- so I need to act like one. Even if that means getting rid of the "pretty things."

In life, I think we are faced with many distractions. Various "pretty things." Things that appear beautiful- but are only a cheap comparison of what God has for us. We cling to them, chase them, want them, buy them and hide them safely away in our "closets." If only we would stop for just one minute and take a good look at all of the "prettiness." Maybe we'd see it for what it really is- an ugly distraction.  Maybe then we'd see and focus on what God wants for us. The True beauty that satisfies. The Beauty that can only be found when we completely focus on Him and clean out our closets.
 
"So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the message God has planted in your hearts..." James 1:21

Midnight Madness

Me having nightmares is nothing new.

It takes awhile for me to wake myself up screaming, 

but I guess I make a ton of noise in the process. 

Rob is always very good at comforting me afterwards. 

He generally wraps his arms around me and whispers sweet things about horses and puppies and Disneyland 

'till we both fall back to sleep.

Which for me is about thirty seconds.

Takes Rob a bit longer, since he has to recover from the shock of   thinking I'm being murdered in my sleep. 

Up to a point, last night was just another night 

in the Gariepy House. 

We went to bed at midnight. 

It took me two painful hours to fall asleep. 

When I finally did...

2:00 AM: 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3:00 AM: 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4:00 AM 

Suffice it to say there was no comforting, 

patting, or sweet words this time. 

But amazingly we were able to laugh about it

when we finally woke up for good at 6:00 am!

But just in case, I'm not taking any chances tonight. 

 I'm heading to bed early, before Rob thinks to 

toss my pillow out and lock the door in the same motion!

Circle of Life

 Jim and Judy Montgomery

Today, I got the very sad news that my girlfriend Larissa's beloved step-father, Jim, passed away;  her mother Judy preceded him into heaven by mere weeks. My heart is heavy for Larissa and her husband Bill, I cannot fathom losing both of my parents so close together. I wanted to post on Jim and Judy today, to let Larissa know her parents are remembered, and that she herself is well loved by friends and family.

It is an undisputed fact that good news and bad news generally go hand-in-hand.

While looking for the above picture on Facebook, I noticed an update from another friend, Jennifer. Her happy news concerned her eight year old son: "John just asked Jesus into his life. So sweet and such a big grin afterwards!

 John Ferris

Not to go all Lion King  on you, but these two events taking place on the same day strike me as part of the natural cycle of life. An older soul departs the earth for everlasting peace, a young soul joins the ranks of Christianity.  It's painful and beautiful all at the same time.

In the words of Larissa's Husband Bill, "Jim was a great man in the eyes of many, a Vietnam Veteran who was wounded twice and received the Silver Star for valor." Wow. I wonder when he was eight years old, if he dreamed of being a hero? God knew he would be.

Looking at John, I wonder the same thing. Does he dream of what he will be when he is a man? I don't know. But God does.

To Jim, a warrior who is now resting in peace: Farewell, brave one. I look forward to meeting you in Heaven. Your torch has passed to a new generation.

To John, a new follower of Christ: You may not understand this now, but your declaration of faith is an act of bravery; your decision has set your footsteps on the path towards manhood. I can't wait to see what God has planned for your life!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

Un-Happy Meal

First it was McDonald's with the fries (see post below) 

and now Jack in the Box 

has removed toys from their kid combos. 

This happy-meal eatin' Mamma AIN'T happy.  

Ever wonder why people lose their minds at Christmas? You know, the madness in the parking lot as cars zip around stealing prime spots, soccer moms fighting over the last pair of Santa socks at Target - evidence everywhere that during the holiday season, patience is thin and tempers are short.

Today, I figured out why.

It was raining pretty hard - we're talking torrential downpour - and I was in the middle of running errands - so I went through McDonalds' drive thru for lunch.

And while the crackling communicators at the drive thru can be maddening, that's not where I'm going with this. Heck, most people these days speak fluent drive-through "speakerese"  anyway. They drive up, place their order, and drive away with their sprackle smackin scrish whumpa and a diet coke. 

But I digress.

Since McDonalds is, well, McDonalds, and I'm not a *total* pig, I opted for a happy meal. I had 'em hold the onions and pickles and mustard on my kids size cheeseburger, and wadde ya know, they didn't. (Guess I scrished when I should have scrashed.) No biggie, just scrape it off while I'm driving, and ugh, smeared a big blog of mustardy onion bits on my pants. Still, no big deal, my sweat pants are soaking wet anyway from my last dash across a parking lot with no umbrella.

The burger is just the preliminary for the big bang, anyway: the fries. Handfuls of hot, wonderful, salty, greasy goodness. Downing my burger in three bites, and keeping both eyes on the road for safety, I blindly reach into the bag for my fries and come up with .. the toy.

Maneuver around a bit to stash it in the glove compartment for Zack and I'm back to digging in the bag for my fries. My hand feels something cold.

Huh? What's this? Apple slices? In my happy meal? What's happy about apple slices? If I wanted apple slices I'd go to a stinkin' apple orchard.

But that's okay, probably a new holiday bonus or something. Not like I have to eat 'em just because they're in the bag. I pitch 'em over my shoulder into the back floorboard with the rest of the trash.

Back to those fries.  *Rummage, Rummage* Here they - HEY!!

I nearly ram into the car in front of me.

What. The. Heck?!?! Miniature french fries?!?!

This minuscule, itsy-bitsy, three-inch paper container has to be a joke!

It only holds twelve french fries!

I know, I counted them.

Suddenly the apple slices make sense. With dawning horror I realize McDonalds has "healthified" it's happy meal.

Which doesn't make me happy. 

At. All.

Grrrrrr. (That's my un-happy face.)

And I still have errands to run.

Those holiday shoppers better watch out. I've been Grinched out of my french fries and I ain't happy.

Enter Epiphany:

That's probably what happened to everyone else out there, too. They're having withdrawals! They just need a french fry fix.

So the next time you need to get out in the holiday madness, take a big bag of McDonalds french fries with you and just toss 'em around like you're feeding wild animals at the zoo.

If you're lucky, the soccer moms will start snappin' at the fries and you'll have a shot at those Santa socks!

Best Husband Award

I have the best husband in the whole world. 

He dragged me away from studying,

surprising me with lunch at Claire's in Long Beach! 

The window view was gorgeous, and the setting divine - 

but my favorite part was looking across the table at my Best Friend. :) 

The Whole Tooth and Nuthin' But The Tooth

I just wanna say, before we get into this post, that I really do brush and floss my teeth!  The nasty gnasher shown below will do its best to convince you otherwise.

This is a picture of my poor, decayed molar, "Upper Right #1." 
 Dental X-rays showed extensive damage which included the nerves, so that meant ...*cringe* ...a root canal.

that's one mephitic molar

See those three black spots? They're the cave-like openings to the canals that house live dental nerves. When you get a "root canal" you're not really getting a root canal - you're getting the root canals you already have filled in. 

But I digress. 

When the endodontist opened these puppies up to excavate the damaged nerves in my tooth, all he found was pus. (Bleh.) The nerves themselves were dead, but the empty canals were bacteria laden (you know, considering the pus and all) - so the dentist drilled them out, thoroughly disinfected, and put a temporary filling on the tooth 'till the infection cleared up. 

This, by the way, is Dr. Sadek from Marina Endodontics:  

Photo courtesy of Marina Endodontics

He is by far the best dentist I've ever visited. He is kind, professional, and he very patiently answered every question I had. (An' you know I can ask me some questions!) He explained the entire procedure to me while it was in progress, so I never wondered what was going on, or what was going to happen next.

On top of that, he took such care with the numbing process I never felt a thing. Not even the initial numbing shot! I had heard horror stories of root canal procedures that sounded positively medieval, but mine, conducted in two parts, was relatively* painless. Additionally, he also took the time to email me pictures of my teeth, like this one:

I went back a week later for the actual filling-in of the root canals, shown above as red sploches. It was a very interesting process, and of course I asked a thousand questions right up until the point where my mouth was wedged open with gadgets and gizmos. 

Basically Dr. Sadek had these long thin flexible toothpick like thingies that he carefully shaped and placed into the cleaned canals. He then heated them up with one of the aforementioned gizmos, which melted them into the canals, effectively sealing them up.

Here's one of the "after" x-rays, showing the filled canals. Cool huh? (They kinda look like alien fingers.) See how the canal on the far right actually bends at almost a 90 degree angle to the left? 

It's a testimony to Dr. Sadek's genius that he got that sucker drilled out and filled without breaking any tools off in the process. If you're in Long Beach, CA area and need a root canal - Dr. Sadek is the endodontist for you!

There is still one more chapter to go before the book can be closed on my toothy tale. Now that the root canal is finished, I have to have that molar crowned. I went back to my general practice dentist earlier this week to have it molded and topped with a temporary cap. The permanent crown will be in on March 6th - stay tuned for the official coronation.

*There was that little episode of "who hit me in the face with a baseball bat" when the anesthetic wore off, but it only lasted a few hours, and some discomfort was to be expected.

Old Friends

I was walking across a Vanguard parking lot with some friends today when a funny thing happened. 

A professor I know of - but have never met - was coming out of a building when he caught sight of us. 

Waving and grinning broadly, he advanced in our direction, apparently focused on me. 

Being friendly by nature, and naturally curious, I beamed a big smile back, wondering what in the world was going to happen next.

He took my hands familiarly, 

looked me in the eye, 

~did a double take~

and said sheepishly, 

"You are not who I thought you were!" 

Crowning Glory

Today was episode four in the saga of my dental crown. Not to be confused with the royal, bejeweled type, although now that I think about it, the multi-step process has kinda been a royal pain in the...

But I digress.

Enlarge the above picture about 500 times and you'll have a good idea of my view for the past two hours!

Dr. Brady and his wonderful assistant did a great job fitting my recently root-canalled tooth with it's temporary topper.

Only three more weeks till the final coronation!

Toro! Toro!

It's no secret that Mama don't cook. 

So I generally don't post every time Rob and I eat out...

cuz, ya know, that'd be three posts a day.

But I couldn't resist sharing these pics

to give you an idea 
of just how much fun "empty nest" can be. 

(Yes, those are cardboard kiddie hats)

Our crazy waiter leaped into the the shot 

when he realized I was taking a picture :)

Pretty good considering he had a tray of drinks 

and didn't spill a drop!

Ah-riiiiba!

Third Time's a Charm

You'd think experiences like THIS and THIS would have left a lasting impression on me. 

Yet, sadly, they didn't. Because tonight...

This is how the conversation went in my house tonight: 


Rob: Why didn't you just go get your hair done? 
Me: Because I didn't want to pay $130.00 dollars.
Rob: How much was that kit thingie?
Me: Seven bucks.
Rob: So, now you'll spend $137.00 dollars to get your hair done?
Me: ...

Moose on the Loose

When I forget to close the screen door to the back porch, I get some interesting company. Last week it was a bird, today it was Little Missy. (Although, after what I saw her and Mr. Nutter doing in the tree earlier, I should call her Brazen Hussy! Looks like we're gonna have baby squirrels around here come Spring.) 


Anyhoo, as much as I love my California "company," I'm tempted to move to Alaska. Because today my girlfriend Jo woke up to find this guy knockin' on her window:

If you know me at all, you know what's going through my mind: I'd be out there with some snacks trying to figure out a way to climb on. Only, something tells me Rob won't give me a boost up this time. (Hey, if a moose can be trained to a harness, its not much of a stretch to believe it can be ridden, too!)


Can't you just see the look on Rob's face if I managed to get on that moose...

AUTHORS NOTE: The first thing Rob said when he read this was, "Where are your clothes? You look like Lady Godiva!"


How could I have forgotten a detail like that?! It's like one of those bad dreams where you go to work without your pants. Only, this wasn't a dream it was posted on the Internet for all to see! *blush* I hope the above picture doesn't go viral and ruin my chances of becoming President one day.

It's A Miracle!

Can you imagine what the world would be like if we could all provide our own miracles?

Whip up an instant miracle: 
simply combine with prayer and stir!

Not into cooking?
Then grow your own Miracle! Just add water.

Sounds great at first, but if you think it through you'll realize it would be complete chaos.

"Every day would be Saturday!" decrees one. "No, Sunday!" demands another. "No, Wednesday! I have Wednesday off so every day would be Wednesday!" cries yet another.

Farmers would always have rain for their crops. No, there's too much flooding along the Mississippi, so it would never rain!

There would be no more death! No more disease! No more mother-in-laws! (Ya know someone is bound to whip that one up.)

No pain, no suffering...

... no Spiritual growth.

In our desire to have instant-prayer-gratification, not only would we create total pandemonium across the face of the earth, we'd short-change ourselves of even greater miracles, because we can't see the entire picture in time.

Only God can.

God sees the beginning, the middle, and the end - of everything.

He often says "No" to a prayer for one miracle, because he knows a wealth of miracles will follow.

When we praise God for his love and wisdom, especially when he tells us "No" and we don't understand why, we draw closer to Him.

I may not be happy when God says "No" to my request for a miracle, but I trust Him to have a plan. And you can bet the miracles he's going to pour on me are greater than anything I could have whipped up or grown on my own.

What about you?

Headlines!

I'm *supposed* to be studying for a big test that is only two hours away, but as always I seem to be doing everything except what I should be doing. For instance, I've already found myself mysteriously logged on to Facebook and commenting away. (I swear there is some kind of subliminal mind control thingie radiating out of that website, commanding my subconscious, "logggg iinnnn.")

When I came to my senses and realized what I was doing, I promptly logged out to hit the books. Right after checking my e-mail, of course. But Rob sent me something so funny it made me laugh out loud, right here in the campus library. And, much like riding the dog, laughing "is FROWNED UPON in this establishment!"

My procrastination has taken me from Facebook, to E-mail to Blogging, but this is absolutely the last stop. So while you're enjoying the following laughs, I'll be slaving away over the books. For reals. Right after I post this to its Facebook FanPage...

PS - I have no way to validate the authenticity of these "headlines" but I can attest to the fact that - true or not - they're stinkin' funny! Additionally, I have no idea who to credit for the humorous commentary, since this came across my desk in a generic mass-e-mail. Thanks to the clever wit, whomever you are!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible! They put in a correction the next day.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

No crap, really? Ya think?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Now that's taking things a bit far!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy!

---------------------------------------------------------------

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

------------------------------------------------------

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works any better than a fair trial!

----------------------------------------------------------

War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!

----------------------------------------------------------------

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya think?!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

----------------------------------------------------------

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge!

----------------------------------------------

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren't they fat enough?!

-----------------------------------------------

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That's what he gets for eating those beans!

---------------- ---------------------------------

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?

---------------- ---------------------------------

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

---------------- ---------------------------------

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

---------------- ---------------------------------

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

Generos City

This is my friend Kevin, with his wife, Kami.

I've never met Kami, but she looks nice!
And she's bound to be reading this,
so
*waving*
Hi, Kami! 

Kevin and I were good buds in High School. In fact, we had our own club: the Dead Puppies Club. Membership: 2.

(Before you get all huffy and quit reading, relax. We didn't kill puppies...they wouldn't be much fun. That was just the name of a silly song featured each week on the Dr. Demento radio show.)

Anyway, about ten years ago, I heard a rumor that Kevin was dead. Expired.
No longer of this earth. 
It made me sad.

Miraculously, about a year ago, I found him on Facebook!

 

And that is the story of how Kevin Wilson of Salt Lake City, Utah came to win the 15K Chocolate Give Away!

(He even has a severe case of clicky-finger-itis to show for it.)

Being the great guy he is, Kevin waived his rights to the prize; so in lieu of sending him a big ol' box of chocolate love, I'm donating $50.00 to his favorite charity, Ronald McDonald House...

That's a win for everyone!

Feel like taking your own trip to Generos City?
CLICK HERE to make a donation
to the Ronald McDonald House!

It's That Time Again!

One lucky reader will soon be

Authentically Me's

FIFTEEN THOUSANDTH viewer.

And you know what that means - CHOCOLATE GIVE AWAY!

So check the Page View number on the right side of the blog page.

You might have to scroll up or down a bit. Yeah, over there.

If it reads "15,000" YOU are the lucky winner! Yea!

(throwing confetti, clacking noise makers)

Leave your contact info in a comment below (I moderate comments so it will be completely confidential) or contact me personally.

Reading really is sweet!

If no one claims the 15,000th viewer reward, one will be chosen at ramdom from the comments below so leave some love, people!

Me and My Big Mouth

NOTE TO SELF:

Will I never learn?!